


letters for koushi

by OllieDeclan



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Coma, Depression, Heavy Angst, Karasuno loves Suga, Letters, M/M, Oikawa is so in love it hurts, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 13:00:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18717589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OllieDeclan/pseuds/OllieDeclan
Summary: Hey, Koushi.You're in a coma. We miss you, wake up soon.





	letters for koushi

_5th of March, 2 weeks. ___

__Hey, Koushi._ _

__I miss you. You've been in a coma for two weeks today. My psychologist said that while I wait for you to wake up, I should write you letters. You look better, still sickly, but better. I can make out your beautiful features again. Your face was all swollen and blue before, now it's just pale white. All your freckles are fading. I asked the doctors to put you in a room with sun, but they said they only give rooms with windows to patients who are awake._ _

__Sometimes, when I reach out to thumb your cheekbones, I swear you're leaning into my touch. The doctors say that it's unlikely, but I'm going to hold onto every small thing you do. You're so cold, Koushi. What happened to my beautiful star? Your hands are so slack in mine, even as I write this I'm holding your hand, and it feels like you're... I really don't want to think about that._ _

__The apartment is empty without you. I go home, and our cats are there, but every time I see Minho, I'm reminded of you. Your hearing aids are sitting on my bedside table. They're gathering dust. I long to see you wear them again. Hell, I long to see you again. Seeing you in this dingy old hospital bed leaves me wanting to cry._ _

__I've been singing to you every day. Songs from those records I gave you. I know you can't hear me, but I sing anyways._ _

__The doctors say that the swelling on your brain is going down, they don't know how long it'll take for you to wake up, though. It could be anywhere from a week to another month or two. I don't want to wait that long, though._ _

__I've stopped going to volleyball. The coach banned me from practising, he's getting Kageyama to practice with me every Monday and Thursday after my visits with you so I stay conditioned. He doesn't want me to burn out. I understand. At the rate that I was playing last week, we'd both be in the hospital together, and I wouldn't be able to see you._ _

__I should go. This all makes me feel like I'm going to break down. Hopefully I can make it home before I do._ _

__Love always, your Tooru._ _

__

___13th of March, 3 weeks 1 day._ __

__

__Hey Koushi._ _

__God I miss you._ _

__Every day drags on. I've stopped hanging out with Iwa-chan just so that I can get to you faster. I fell asleep in bed with you yesterday. The nurses had to come in and wake me up. I cried when I got home because I missed so much the feeling of you in my arms._ _

__It rains every day now. Like the weather misses you too. Sometimes it rains so hard I can hear it in our apartment against our balcony. It's getting colder, too. I would do anything to feel your warmth against my skin again._ _

__Minho and Akemi are missing you too. They sit at the door after I get home and wait for you to come through, laughing at some video Bokuto sent you or ready to gush about stars. I miss your laughs. The laugh you let out when I fell flat on my face the first time I saw you in a suit. The laugh you whispered after our first time together, hair mussed and your gentle hands resting against my hips. The giddy laugh you let out at Iwa-chan's wedding against my lips, bubbly and tipsy._ _

__I don't see the stars much anymore. I stop by to see you in the mornings, go to school, visit you until closing time, and then trudge back home. Over and over. They remind me too much of you._ _

__The doctors don't know how long it'll take for you to wake up, now. Your recovery has slowed right down._ _

__Wake up, please. A life without you is not the life I want to live._ _

__Forever yours, Tooru._ _

__

___23rd of March, 1 month, 3 days._ __

__

__Koushi._ _

__

__I feel tired all the time. Since you've been in a coma, it's like the light of my life has been sucked away. I have nothing but emptiness and shadow._ _

__

__I stopped returning Iwa-chan's calls. He comes knocking at our door every morning, but I never answer. He keeps telling me that he's worried for me, that he's left groceries outside my door._ _

__

__I barely eat anymore, Koushi. The hospital has started giving me a snack in the morning, and whatever leftovers they have at night, but it makes me so sick when I eat them. I can only stomach a few mouthfuls at a time. Every time I try to eat it's as if my anxiety is forcing it back up. I'm thinking about taking supplements._ _

__

__This is all my fault, y' know? If I had woken you up on time, had made sure that you got to work alright, this never would have happened._ _

__

__Your team visits once a week. They come in, and they sit down. Sawamura presses your hair back and talks to you. He comes more often than the rest of them. The first years come in, too. Tsukishima and Yamaguchi the most though. They talk to me, ignoring just how weak my voice is._ _

__

__I've stopped singing. The nurses said it was disrupting the awake patients._ _

__

__I love you._ _

__

__

___8th of April, 1 month 20 days._ __

____

__I'm sorry. I didn't visit you yesterday. I'm such a bad boyfriend, you know? Sometimes I wonder if you're going to wake up all._ _

____

__I'm scared, Koushi. I'm taking more supplements than I am eating real food. I don't even remember the last time I said anything, I just talk in nods now. I didn't know how much you meant to me until you were like this. My psychologist has advised me to go into care, but I refused. If I go into care, I won't be able to see you._ _

____

__You're starting to make noises every once in a while, but nothing coherent. Even then, the doctors don't know if you'll ever be back to normal. They said that there's little chance you'll come out of a vegetative state._ _

____

__I love you Koushi, and I'm sorry._ _

____

__If you wake up and I'm gone, it's for the best. I put you here after all._ _

____

___16th of April, 1 month 28 days._ __

_____ _

__I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry_ _

_____ _

__Please wake up. I'd do anything for you to wake up. You're still so cold. They're turning off your life support in 3 days.  
They don't think you'll ever recover, told me to prepare for your heart to stop beating. Karasuno and the other Tokyo teams are here now, everyone feels so awful. This is all my fault. _ _

_____ _

__Everyone loved you so much, you don't deserve this._ _

_____ _

__

_____ _

___????_ __

______ _ _

__My dearest Koushi,_ _

______ _ _

__It's been 2 years, 10 months, and 29 days since the accident, and 2 years, 9 months, and 2 days since I felt like I couldn't breathe. I wondered if this was what you felt like, stuck in one place, unable to cry for help. It was as if everything was closing in on me, crushing me._ _

______ _ _

__They turned off your life support that day. I remember sitting there, wondering how on Earth I'd be able to live without my star, my moon, my universe. I cried for a long time after that, still in shock. I begged every day for you to return to normal, just so I could see your smile, hear your laugh, taste your lips against mine again._ _

______ _ _

__Every day after that, I brought you a gift. Sometimes flowers, sometimes little trinkets I found in your favourite store. Other times it was a picture of us, hung up on the wall of our apartment. Around 7 months ago, it was a promise. A promise to never leave your side, to never forget you. I don't regret that decision._ _

______ _ _

__I can't thank Sawamura Daichi, your partner in crime, enough. Every day he was there for me, making sure I ate and showered and fed the cats. We spent a lot of time just talking, sharing stories and laughing even though it was hard to. For a while there, we each wore one of your hearing aids on our necks. It was just another reminder that you were here, you'd always be here._ _

______ _ _

__I sang to you every day after they turned your life support off, sometimes in our house, sometimes when I went to see you. Always the same song, always the same time of day, like a mantra. So that no matter where you were you knew I still loved you._ _

______ _ _

__Your contact is still my emergency contact, and so is Iwa-chan's, if that means anything to you. I've never loved or trusted anyone as much as you._ _

______ _ _

__I will be forever yours, Sugawara Koushi, if you will always be mine._ _

______ _ _

__That's why we're here, isn't it? For you to be mine and I to be yours, but ever since that training camp in 3rd year, it's been unspoken knowledge._ _

______ _ _

__Oikawa Tooru and his universe, Sugawara Koushi._ _

______ _ _

__Sugawara Koushi and his dumbass, Oikawa Tooru, against all odds._ _

______ _ _

__We're here, we're alive, and every day we fall more in love. Sugawara Tooru has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?_ _

______ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> Hey!
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you for reading! If it's not clear, the last letter is Tooru's speech at their wedding. I couldn't let myself kill Koushi.


End file.
